Six Top Tips for Writing your own Wedding Vows
A Wedding Celebrant's Perspective
Hannah and Stephen saying their tender and loving vows to one another, under a beautiful flower chuppah at Coombe Lodge, Blagdon.
Lucy and Caleb saying their vows in the stunning Orangery at St Audries Park
Six Top Tips for Writing your own Wedding Vows
In my last Six Top Tips posts, I looked at saying your wedding vows.
The vows that you make are the heart of your wedding ceremony. Simple words full of extraordinary meaning and importance, for they are your words, and reflect the intention and vision that will define and shape your future lives together.
As a wedding celebrant, I work closely with my couples to help them to create wedding vows which are personal and significant to them.
Writing your own wedding vows is an incredible and meaningful way to personalise your wedding ceremony. It’s a chance to tell your story, to give your guests a peek into what makes your relationship unique, and to share deep and meaningful words with the one person you love most in the world.
It’s a daunting prospect and a pretty challenging task because it’s so intimate. For you are baring your heart to your partner, and are doing so in front of family and friends.
Finding the right words and fitting them into a structure that flows effortlessly isn’t easy.
Read my six top tips to help you to write the perfect wedding vows.
Six Top Tips for Writing Your own Wedding Vows
Tip 1 – Check it’s possible
All licenced wedding venues, when using a registrar, require you to say a legal declaration and contracting vows and give you set options to choose from. After saying these, you can write your own personal promises when exchanging rings, but these need to be pre-approved by the registrar. Church weddings are just as prescriptive.
Using a wedding celebrant gives you the freedom to be as creative and loving with your vows as you wish. You can move away from the set scripts to include elements from a song or a film that was special and meaningful to you both, or an anecdote or shared, treasured memory. This means that the vows you make to one another on your wedding day are uniques and personal to you.
Six Top Tips for Writing Your own Wedding Vows
Tip 2 – Writing them Separately
You may want to keep your wedding vows a secret from each other until your wedding day, but talk together about the content, the length and the style. Balance and harmony is key to getting it right and creating a beautiful wedding ceremony.
So, some questions to ask:
How long should our wedding vows be?
Will we share jokes or rather keep things more generic?
Shall we incorporate elements of traditional vows into our own?
It is always a beautiful and temder moment in the ceremony when the couple hear their vows being said to one another for the first time.
Six Top Tips for Writing Your own Wedding Vows
Tip 3 Take your time to write them
Find a quiet place when you have time to really think about your relationship – what it means to you – what do you love most about your partner, what do you value most in your relationship – what are you looking forward to most, and what promises do you want to make as you take into your care and keeping the happiness of the one person whom you love best.
Six Top Tips for Writing Your own Wedding Vows
Tip 4
Don’t put writing your wedding vows off until the last minute. Try to have them written at least a month before the day. This gives you plenty of time to revisit them and maybe tweak them a little and reflect on their meaning.
Six Top Tips for Writing Your own Wedding Vows
Tip 5
Don’t be afraid to use a traditional wedding vow structure as a template. Many of my couples have found this the best way to begin.
Below are the 6 parts of the wedding vow structure with some examples, for you:
• The Context
In the presence of God
With my family and friends as my witnesses
In the sight of the sea and the sky
Blessed in the presence of angels
In this special place
• The Declaration
I ………choose you………… to be my husband / wife
i……….. commit myself to you……….in love and marriage
Today, I ………..marry you……….my best friend
• Promises about behaviour and relationships
In our marriage, I will love, honour and cherish you
I promise to live with you, to respect you and honour you
I will be faithful to you, I will stand by your side and sleep in your arms, I will listen to you with compassion and understanding and speak to you with encouragement.
I promise to respect you, inspire you and love you
• Changing Circumstances
For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health
When love is easy and when love is hard
During good times and bad times, through calms and storms
• Timescale
Till death do us part / forever / for the rest of my life
For the whole of our lives together / until love dies
Throughout the adventure of our lives / until the end of time
• Closing Intention
This is my solemn promise and on this promise I base our marriage
This is my intention, completely and forever.
Millie and Ben saying their vows at the stunning Dairy House on Dillington Estate.
Photo Who is Benjamin
Tip 6
Remember to say I love you.
Choosing a wedding celebrant for your wedding ceremony gives you the freedom to write your wedding vows exactly as you wish. Yes, writing your vows does take a lot of time and thought, but when they are ready and the words truly capture how you feel and what you want to say, the feeling is truly amazing!!
Reading your vows to the one you love in front of all your friends and family is the part of a wedding ceremony that many couples find the most daunting. In my next post, I’m going to show you some different ways vows can be said to make it less so.
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